I wasn’t going to write about this. I believed it was too private to bare. But then it dawned on me, that I started this blog to be help me cope. Not just with my boys but when life gets too crazy. I started this blog because I knew I had a hard time expressing myself. Much more as happened and I think I will bare it as well.
One of the reasons I haven’t written in awhile was because life has a tendency to get a bit chaotic. It’s taken me a long time to process this and several other events that happened to me this year. It is in fact the main reason why I haven’t blogged in so long. Sometimes it takes me a very long time to process events and even longer to speak up about them. Honestly, I haven’t felt this betrayed ever. It took me by surprise. I am still healing from the mess. So are my children.
Chaos is inevitable in my life. While there is the normal day to day stuff like being behind on washing clothes. Or the fact that everyone has Aspergers in our home. Which isn’t soooo terrible unless we are trying to avoid meltdowns. Those meltdown hours can feel like days. Some things are legitimately my fault. I can be so dense that I miss every fucking clue even if it was in neon blinking lights and it was bashed against my face. Sometimes it’s my Yaqui temper gets the best of me. Then there are some situations where you have no control over, what so ever.
In this situation. I definitely freaked out. I lost my cool and made things worse. Looking back I could’ve been much calmer then I was. When it comes to my children, I tend to go from zero to a thousand. I wish I didn’t have that temper but I do. (yes I am silly, fun loving, dance in the street for no reason, eccentric kinda girl…. but with that comes a very bad temper at times)
I know you’re asking, “So what happened?”
I was on vacation with my husband. This was first time I have EVER left my boys behind for more then a day without being with family. I was beyond nervous. I entrusted my kids to a “friend.” .. Seg-way. It was also, the first time I had ever been serious about a person I was dating in my life, that I felt we should move in together. (I will have to write about this later.) He moves in the week before vacation. And guess what he & her do not get a long while I am away. I am without phone.
I’m thinking, “I don’t like it, but you know what. they are adults. They will work it out or not.” Either way, I never had imagined what I was going to deal with by the end of our vacation. Basically, She didn’t approve of him, she didn’t like our closeness, she didn’t like that he spoke up to her when she was being too much, and I’m sure jealously played a big part in this. They both said some nasty things to each other.
She took my kids from my home. That wasn’t the plan, but I figured it would blow over by the time I got home. She didn’t want to return the kids back to my house. When I asked her to bring them to the airport she refused. I wanted them home as soon as possible, not just because I was upset by her, but honest to god that was my first long stay away from my boys. It was really hard for me. She didn’t want to bring them until the next day after we got back. As soon as we got off our flight in Norfolk we picked the boys up. I was beyond relieved. I had missed my monkeys. I thought that was the end of our little tiff.
No.. No it wasn’t. She threatened to go to CPS about how I abused my children. She wrote me this long letter in how she felt I have neglected my children. My children didn’t have learning disabilities or have Aspergers. Essentially that I’ve abused my children and it was my pathology that caused their delays. She even threw the poly card at us. Of course I was upset. I was seeing red. During this time, I thought letter had only been written to me. By that Thursday, 10 family members & friends came to me that she had sent them the same letter. I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D!
We got a lawyer. I had to explain to my family and friends who didn’t know we were poly. We had to explain what the hell was going on. I had to get letters from friends & family on our behalf. I went to the boys doctors and therapist to inform them. I wanted to make sure that everyone knew what was going on. We hadn’t been open about our life until moment. We had no choice. I felt honesty was the best. (That’s why I blogged about us, being poly. Why yes. We are Poly back in May.)
What made things even harder to deal with was the fact she was a close friend. Someone who I spent several days a week with. She was someone I confided in and I thought I could trust. Not to mention that she herself had lived in open relationship with her husband for years. She even lost her son to CPS because of false allegations. She was trying to hurt me like other had hurt her. Simply because I didn’t agree with her. Honestly I didn’t agree with either of them. But because I didn’t come running to defend her, she thought her actions was justified.
Looking back. I can’t say I didn’t know about her level of crazy. She had problems with other peers & jobs that been blown our of proportion in the past. I always took the stance of neutrality. I figured I wasn’t there for the argument, that I couldn’t pass judgment. I knew she was emotional. What woman isn’t from time to time? Many times she joked about being sociopath because when someone pissed her off she would make it a living hell for them and not think twice. At the time I thought she was joking. I mean I say some pretty nonsense stuff mostly for a laugh, but when it comes down to it, I don’t mean it nor would I actually do half the shit I joke about. I never once thought she would do be so utterly hateful to me. Probably because I don’t think that way. It would never occur to me to make such accusations about anyone and then spread it around to ruin them. I don’t understand hatred. I don’t understand cruelty. I don’t get many things. I don’t think poorly of others until I have seen you treat me or others poorly. In this way, I am very much like a child. I forgive easily because I believe most people don’t have an intention to hurt you. I don’t think I could forgive her for this. It was too much. She knew how much I love & adore my boys. She knew my fears that every homeschooling parent feels. She knew she hurt me, that was her very intention. It is because of her intention that I don’t think I can forgive her. No I don’t hate her. No I wouldn’t want anything to happen to her. But if I would never see her again, it would be too soon.
It was scary. I think it’s every parents worst fear aside from an actual loss of a child. Especially when you are lifestyle & you homeschool. We are constantly being scrutinized by everyone. Luckily it blew over. Many of my friends & family pulled together to support us. Right when I thought no one would ever understand me, everyone came together. A few mutual friends of ours came forward with their support. It was amazingly beautiful the amount of support we had. I also lost some friends. Mostly because of my life-style. And that’s ok. I am not everyones cup of tea.