This has been about 4 yrs in the making, but only the last 6months has it become established as a relationship. Four years ago, I met this random guy on FB. You know how that goes. Every so often we’d chat and visit. It was pretty great, because he had no expectations from me or I from him. He was just another friend I had made on social media. Fast forward a few years. One day I randomly told him I really liked him, and the conversation just spiraled from there. We both had feelings for each other but neither of us spoke up about it.
He was in NC on his way to CA, and I honestly thought, “Man I will never meet this great guy face to face.” And just days before he left, we decided what the hell lets do drinks. Like, my hubby, it was love at first sight. Maybe having those years invested as friend helped that along. Well it was shocking for both of us. Not just the physical attraction but how easy it was for us to laugh & cry together.
Coming back home was the hardest. He seemed to fit into this obscure puzzle of mine. That one last piece I had been missing and searching for, not knowing that I had been searching for this whole time. In a way, he had been searching for me too. We were always so close yet to far away. I guess you could call us kindred spirits. As I was leaving, I felt I had left a piece of myself behind. In fact neither us wanted to. In that last moment, I thought we would never see each other again. And yes, I cried my eyes out on the way home.
Then it hit me, I had to tell Ian, that I love this man. Granted we’ve had relationships out side of our marriage before. But nothing like this. I have only felt this deeply for my husband and two other people in my life. Jesus-Christ-On-A-Crutch! Explaining these feelings wasn’t easy. My husband & I spent quite a bit of time talking about our feeling for each other, this new guy, and all the weird scenarios on how this was going to effect our life.
Then unbeknown to the three of us, 2 months later, my O-SO, moves in with our family. No. It hasn’t been easy. Yes, there has been tension. We’ve had to adjust to each other quite a bit. On the other hand, he has brought a lot of joy to our home and in a lot of ways balance. None of us, was expecting any of this. I knew that my hubby would love his sense of humor, but I never expected them to get a long so well. Their friendship was even shocking to me. Watching them banter back in forth is not amusing, but so endearing. They actually care for each other.
Now that my O-SO is here. I can’t imagine him not being apart of my life. A bit of me regrets not taking the time to meet him sooner when he was local ans before he moved away. Perhaps it’s his easy laughter and zeal for life, yet his heart ache and his willingness to let me see that side of him, that reminds me of my self. He is so familiar to me, like a brother, that I had not , had a chance to grow up with. I am convinced had we grown up together, we would have been the best of friends and that is why I love him so.
Telling our kids was our first hurdle. We all had a lot of fears. How will effect the boys? Are they too young? Are we subjecting them to a life which they will have to hide or explain the action of us adult? What will our friends, family, & neighbors think? Will they suffer judgment? Really it was quite emotional and continues to be so. When the time came, my boys were beyond amazing. We were planning to keep it under wraps until the kids were a little older. But my youngest, Zeke, one morning looks at me and said, “I know why you love him so much….because he is your best friend just like daddy.” It hit us that wow, these kids can see through us even if we were trying to hold back our affection for each other in front of them. Their response was breathtaking when we told them. The boys both that similar remarks, “awwww we’re happy that he loves you. We love him too.” or ”We know he’s your best friend like daddy is.” It dawned on me that I have been teaching my children; that they can love whomever they want to. I never had that specific conversation with them. It was heart warming, that my children will grow up having a deeper understanding & acceptance than I ever did or ever intended for them.
The next stage has been telling family & friends. It’s not something any of us can hide. My O-SO is always around and has become just as an important part of my life and to our boys, just as much as their father. Telling everyone that we are poly and we all live together, well… lets just say it isn’t easy. It never is, when you are willing to go against the grain of society. Our close friends know and they have been our biggest support. To them, I am in constant amazement. We’ve lost friends because of it. To them, I figure it’s probably best, because I refuse to be less then my genuine self. Most of our family members, “know,” but we have many more people we need to have that conversation with. I am looking forward to the day when we don’t have to explain ourselves, everyone knows and we are seen as the beautiful family that we are.